i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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