Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
