i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize