Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize