Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
