Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize