That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
