We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
