How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
