We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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