you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
