i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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