Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
