This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
