Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
