after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
