Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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