There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
