i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
