god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
