Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
