PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
