Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
