babies were throwing up all over the place
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
