Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
