i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
