Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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