Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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