Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
