I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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