Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Everything about him screamed your future.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
