Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
