Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
