Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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