so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize