I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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