see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
