I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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