Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
