grandma shit on top of the toilet
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize