We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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