smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
And then he peed in my hair
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