if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
