why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize