i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
