I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
