you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
