dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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