My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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