R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
