Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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