I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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