I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
