The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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