umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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