I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
