Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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