The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
