haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize