what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
