Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
