How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
