the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize