sarcasm needs its own font
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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