Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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