You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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