3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
