I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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