Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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